her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Still dying that you shit outside
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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