If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
