Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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