Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
