About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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