i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
