remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
