No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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