But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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