this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
