morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
