I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
