I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
