What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
