I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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