don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
