dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
