She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
