I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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