if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
