At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
