Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
