But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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