a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
