It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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