Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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