u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
