Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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