Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
