My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
