It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
