Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
