My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
it was like eating out sand paper
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
