I just threw up on my dentist
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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