she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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