whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
