Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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