and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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