Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
