yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
