I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
