Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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