woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
