She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
