you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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