Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
