Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
