do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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