4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
