very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
