So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
